Remember what you want most

My dog Gomer is an escape artist. She’s managed to break two screens and push a fan out of a window to find me after I leave. Every morning, I go to work and without fail she loses her mind as if this is new and I’m abandoning her forever. I always come back, but you try reasoning with a puppy.

 Seriously she looks so pleased, ugh.
I wish I could explain to her that she stays in the house because it’s safe. She can’t spend the day with me so inside is the best option. Blinded by her instant panic, her tiny brain thinks finding me is the solution, despite the inevitability that I’ll be back. It drives me insane. Then I realized I’m just like my stupid dog.
Right now what I want is to make plans without examining my bank account to make sure I can afford the expense. To not rely on credit cards to purchase things but to be a good steward of the money God gives me. As much as I want this, I can’t stop sacrificing what I want most for what I want now.

Being fiscally responsible is no easy feat. Life as an independent young adult is rough. I make a fair amount at my job, but between car payments and insurance and rent and utilities and my iPhone, I’m wiped out. I make my budgets and swear to live within my means, but then it feels so unfair. I want new things; I like new things! Why must I wait when everyone else gets cool things? I want it now so I charge it, raising my credit card debt totals even higher.
Like Gomer, I leap out in the oblivion in an attempt to find happiness on a path that only leads to discomfort. Instead of fulfillment, I’m left alone waiting for someone to come and save me. Luckily, I have an even better savior than Gomer.
Despite years of reckless spending, I’m still here. I’ve made thousands of promises to be better with money, yet I still find myself buying another piece of wall art I can’t afford (and quote frankly don’t need). My bank account typically ends up with a little more money than anticipated and I rarely need to ask for help from my parents. (Notice I say rarely. It does happen and thankfully I’m blessed with parents who can help me when necessary).
It’s such an amazing reminder of God’s grace. I’ve done nothing but show God I’m not responsible. Sure, I pay my bills, but only a tiny fraction of what I have in debt was necessary to buy. I pay a hefty chunk each month to credit companies because I needed another new dress. Or lipstick. Or movie. He sees my greed and materialism and loves me anyway. He refuses to give up on me, knowing that with Him I can be responsible.
I want what I want when I want it, but I’m learning to wait for God’s timing because my interference basically ruins everything. While there are many verses that cover this topic, right now Galatians 6:9 comes to mind:
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”
What a powerful reminder. It’s an acknowledgement that doing the right thing is hard compared to the easy way out. But with the struggle, we have this amazing promise to receive an entire HARVEST of blessings if we keep it up. By waiting for God’s timing, we are living our life in a way that is pleasing to Him and setting ourselves for something more amazing than we can imagine.
It’s hard to see past the financial hardships. When people casually talk about dropping a couple hundred bucks on something, I get suspicious. I don’t understand a life where money is readily available and not kept in an account praying a mysterious benefactor will call me to a higher destiny or something. It’s a challenge, but I’m promised this amazing gift if I continue on the God-approved route.
Saying this, I don’t think I’m going to win the lottery or become a millionaire, but I trust in what God has planned. Maybe it’s just someday I will get my credit cards paid off which will be amazing. Maybe it’s simply the promise of Heaven and the life when I’m not focused on earthly problems. No matter what it is, I know it’s from God, which makes it greater than I picture.
Yesterday I took all the credit cards out of my wallet to remove temptation. I unsynched all my accounts from the computer. I trust God will always make sure I have enough, even if it’s less than I would like. It’s a little scary without my safety net, but that’s where God likes us – afraid and leaning on him with everything we have.
If I can get better with my money, maybe there’s hope for Gomer too.

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