Holidays are always hard for single people. I don’t mean like poverty or racism hard, but a challenge in their own way. If you’re miserable, they serve as a reminder that you’re miserable without a significant other. If you’re content, they serve as an opportunity for the world to remind you that everyone else seems to have someone and invites endless questions about how you could possibly STILL be single.
Newsflash: I am not alone.
Technically a synonym of ‘alone’ is single, but that is like having a single roll of toilet paper, not a relationship status. Alone is defined as ‘having no one else present; one one’s own.’ I look at my life and I’m far from alone.
I live with my best friend. I have a great group of friends from church. I feel loved and supported when going through life’s ups and downs. My family is amazing. My dog Gomer does her best to keep me company when she isn’t ruining my life. Sometimes I am alone walking. Occasionally I’m home alone. But I am not alone in my life.
Most importantly, there are like a billion verses in the Bible talking about how God is always with me and He is the only person who can actually fill the hole in my heart. The world tries to fix it with a relationship, but I am already complete.
We can also argue the adjective ‘lonely,’ defined as ‘sad because one has no friends or company,’ is a misleading term. You know what the synonyms for lonely include? Isolated, friendless, unloved and forsaken.
Does not having a boyfriend/girlfriend make you any of those things?
If you answer yes, I can’t believe you made it this far through the post. I’ll pray for you. If you thought no, yay! You get it. You can bring up the argument that I’m looking at a very basic understanding of ‘alone’ and ‘lonely,’ but I’m just trying to bring perspective.
If you feel alone or lonely in this world and you have friends, it’s probably not because you’re single. There’s something bigger pulling you, and I promise it’s a God who will love you better than any human can.
With the exception of a few high school boyfriends who absolutely don’t count, I’ve been single my entire life. Since I was a teenager, I’ve spent Valentine’s Day either with one of my friends or by myself doing what I love: eating food that isn’t necessarily good for me and going to the movies. I love myself so why shouldn’t I enjoy a holiday about love doing what I love?
I understand the joy a relationship can bring and yes, it’s something I want, but it doesn’t affect my whole life. Being single is not an illness that plagues us until we meet the right person. You cannot cure me by telling me I deserve someone great.
My prolonged singleness taught me a few valuable lessons: basically all humans suck so surprisingly no, I don’t deserve anything. I am great and worthwhile and if someone doesn’t appreciate it, he isn’t right for me (and that is perfectly ok!). Being on your own is an incredible experience because you learn about you as an individual and you learn how to be on your own so when you meet someone, you don’t need them. You want them.
To people in relationships, no disrespect. I firmly believe God has a plan for everyone and we grow where we are planted.
To people like me, you are not alone. If you’re feeling lonely, call a friend or find a kid online you can send a Valentine to. Maybe consider using some of your free single-person time to give back. Spread love everywhere you can.
The takeaway from all of this: God has an amazing plan for all of us. If your role right now is being single, don’t let the world and holidays get you down. Embrace every second of it. Statistically speaking, you will spend most of like in a committed relationship with someone else. These precious years that seem to drag are your opportunity to find and be who you are and realize that person is enough.
If you need a starting point, listen to ‘Can’t Get Enough of Myself’ by Santigold. It will set you on the right path to believing you are incredible because trust me, you are.