Live Thoughts About ‘A Christmas Prince’

Not to brag, but I was an early adopter to A Christmas Prince. Before the insane amount of attention, I was just a girl, sitting in front of a screen, trying to decide how to spend my Friday evening. A new Netflix movie had released and I’m generally a fan of the Netflix content I’d watched, so I thought why not.

Man. Woof.

Here we are a year later, celebrating the long awaited sequel. Despite having watched the movie multiple times last Christmas season, I strangely hadn’t been back in the time since. Before diving into The Royal Wedding, I wanted to recapture the magic of those two days where our leads fell in love.

Let’s see how this goes.

To set the scene, it’s 6:30 on a Friday night and I’m naturally already in my pajamas (a nightgown saying ‘Let’s Sleep In.’ I only wear it when I can actually sleep in the next day). My dinner is beside me – a delicious plate of pizza bagel bites and macaroni and cheese. This will surprise you, but I’m actually an adult in my late 20s.

Please forgive the typos I inevitably make because I’m not editing this at all.

  • It’s starting but I realize I don’t actually remember how this movie starts
  • Ah yes, city at Christmas porn
  • “Ugly Christmas Sweaters of the Stars”
  • I forgot she’s a “real” journalist who’s stuck as a junior editor and getting rejected left and right. She’s probably not a good writer
  • No one cares about royalty from small countries. Also why would a celebrity magazine send her editor to cover this political matter just because of his ‘royal hotness’
  • That’s right. Every girl is recovering from a serious breakup that happened a long time ago but they still aren’t ready
  • The dad thinks it will be a big break but apparently he doesn’t know that no one cares about royal drama from non-existent countries
  • I do like that he’s not laying on the guilt trip because his wife is dead and he’s going to be alone for Christmas
  • I want someone to show me on a map where this country is. It has to be England adjacent because they all have English accents
  • Yeah the prince was selfish taking her cab but he was actually really polite about it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Journalists grumpy because they’re covering a press conference that was supposed to feature a notorious flake of a prince. Are press actually this “ahhhh” and “ohhh”?
  • My favorite part about all these Christmas movies is when people are outside bundled up but they clearly aren’t cold. Do you know what happens when you’re outside in the frigid air? Your eyes water, your nose runs, and the wind is insufferable. It aint cute.
  • Wouldn’t you also ask her name instead of just saying it at her? Or saying she must be a tutor? I don’t know why I’m dissecting this dumb plot point
  • Mad that press is in town and call them parasites but you also called a press conference which means you invited them?
  • Prince Richard looks straight up homeless and not in a hot hipster way
  • So immediately we can tell Richard is not in fact a douche because he’s a great big brother
  • “Who are you and what are you doing in my palace?” Savage
  • I will say I like Richard more than the piece of cardboard who was in The Princess Switch which is surprising
  • Editor supporting this crime in a foreign country. Solid journalism.
  • “There’s nothing loose about this goose”
  • She freaks out at the mouse even though she said she liked mice to prove she’s *cool* but is clearly surprised and terrified to see it there
  • I keep saying she. I don’t know this character’s real name. Fake name Martha.
  • Why does Princess Emily know she’s from Minnesota?
  • Why does she assume she’s wondering what’s wrong with her? As an adult Fake Martha probably has her own assumptions and isn’t concerned about her wheelchair
  • Okay so Richard is doing archery in a garden three feet from a target. You can say you’re adjusting your sights but I know. Now you’re showing off your skills like you’re some master archer
  • I’ve already taken so many notes. This is exhausting.
  • When Fake Martha says “Awesome High Five” she sounds like a robot trying to express excitement
  • Her friends are the opposite of interesting and helpful
  • I just remembered she always wears Converse. You’re not an emo teenager from 2003, Fake Martha. Be an adult and wear real shoes. It’s annoying but also I’ll be disappointed if she doesn’t wear them to her wedding?
  • Also she’s the most obvious photo taker of all time. ALL TIME.
  • Okay so the more I see Prince Richard the more I genuinely enjoy him. In my defense, I’ve watched a lot of Hallmark Christmas movies recently so my bar is low.
  • Also this douche Simon is awful and overcompensating. Probably because his name is Lord Ducksbury
  • She is not blushing
  • “Where there’s a tiara, there’s dirt. Trust me.” Okay.
  • Let me obvious film Prince Richard playing the piano and no one will think I’m either an undercover creep OR I’m obsessed with the prince and I’m going to try to kill him
  • Lady Sophia is clearly the worst. Why is the queen trying to make fetch happen.
  • If he would’ve dropped her heart ornament I would’ve moved this movie to the top of my favorites list
  • Also Fake Martha’s journalism is about as good and thorough as this list I’m writing
  • Amber. Her name is Amber. Thank you Princess Emily
  • Where did these rumors about Prince Richard come from? Why do they exist if he is clearly boring?
  • Poor Richard gets interrupted every time he’s trying to get his Christmas piano playing on. Man just wants to be festive
  • I can tell this is a fake country because there’s no security around all these royals. Even Genovia gets security.
  • Why do these small countries always have quaint little orphanages? Why do orphans sell so well?
  • These adults are romantically romping about while poor Emily is just lying in the snow
  • Why are Sophia and Simon on a carriage ride? She clearly doesn’t like him or the cold. I mean I know it’s for the plot but it’s real dumb.
  • Amber’s notes again. Holy cow. It’s not surprising she gets so many rejection letters for freelancing
  • This horse chase sequence is entirely too long
  • The whole wolf scene. I forgot about it.
  • Richard’s sweaters also look hella cheap. Hopefully the costume budget increases in the sequel. Or maybe Old Navy sponsors Aldovia.
  • Do kisses get interrupted in real life like they do in movies? I get the horse neighs and maybe the moment passes, but don’t you still want to kiss? Maybe I’ve been single for too long but after the prince came back after checking on the horses, I’d be like I think we need to re-enter that moment.
  • If you found a scoop as big as this adoption I would not talk to my dumb friends over Skype. Also “this will make your career” because you lied your way into the palace and snooped and stole information. You will break a story but also not be a respected journalist.
  • Of course Amber sees the kiss but not the breakaway. OF COURSE.
  • Also, Sophia calls Amber a peasant. Are real royals that out of touch? Maybe it’s all the inbreeding. I assume in a place like Aldovia that tradition still runs rampant.
  • I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY LISTEN TO YOUR HEART IT ALWAYS TELLS YOU THE TRUTH. Hearts are notoriously stupid. Do not listen to them. Trust your gut. That strange feeling is always correct.
  • I guess you wouldn’t anticipate people coming into your room, but wouldn’t you lock your ID and the adoption papers in a safe somewhere? Seems much smarter to leave everything incriminating on the bed.
  • ALSO Richard falls in love with the very supportive Martha who’s really Amber trying to get details for her story. That’s betrayal.
  • That bracelet looks like something my mom brought me back from the Bahamas when I was 14. Granted, it’s from a little girl, but it falls into the category of things she’ll never wear.
  • I would give up all my wonderful Christmas Eve traditions to go to a Christmas Eve ball. Even Christmas jammies.
  • She looks good, but like everyone turn and stare good? It’s not like she was a hideous troll before. She’s always been very beautiful. She’s just in a dress with a lot of eyeshadow.
  • I like that a piece of drama isn’t Richard and Martha/Amber’s relationship. Clearly Queen Helena thinks it’s chill
  • They spent a lot of that dance swaying back and forth like it was a preteen dance at a firehall
  • I really need to pee
  • I want to be on the creative team who makes up these country names.
  • Simon and Sophia are just watching waiting to spill the secret and it’s super childish. Just shows they are garbage humans.
  • “This Fraudulent Christmas Prince” ROLE CREDITS
  • I feel really bad for Richard. His entire life just fell apart. He’s adopted. The woman he loves has been lying. Everything he believed was true is a lie.
  • WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE APPLAUDING SIMON AND SOPHIA AS NEW ROYALTY?! You just watched them publicly ruin your prince’s life and now you’re like aww this is nice. LIKE WHAT
  • They show so many shots of this statue in front the palace. It’s at least three or four. Always close ups. No wide shots.
  • I honestly don’t hate this scene between Richard and his mom where she explains everything. It seems like he’ll probably need counseling but it wrapped up nicely.
  • One thing I know for sure is Aldovia isn’t an international hub. Those United flights are a sham. You’re definitely flying a terrifying small plane to a major city in a real country.
  • We’re going to fight this by showing up and demanding it’s delayed even though we don’t have any law on our side and then just give up when we’re told we can’t change things.
  • At least these people in the parliament or whatever understand the travesty of this situation
  • How did the king amend a law without anyone else, including the Prime Minister, knowing?? I’m not a monarchy expert, but I feel like you would need at least a discussion about that.
  • Also he’s not blood but he’s a great guy so obvs he deserves to be king – Richard’s dad
  • I really really need to pee but I won’t pause now
  • Further proof Amber is actually a terrible journalist is she works for a horrible magazine and that was probably the only place she could get a job
  • She’s quitting to blog because that’s a completely lucrative way to make money
  • 20,000 likes and she doesn’t have ads. No one cares.
  • Oh wait she works at the restaurant. She has a job. My b.
  • Seven minutes from the end and I had to go to the bathroom. I was sure I was going to pee my pants. Made it, though.
  • I’m not a wine expert but that wine on the table looks like Kool aid
  • Okay so this prince isn’t on the sidewalk. He’s literally standing in the middle of a street
  • “Emily showed me your blog online” the online is redundant doofus
  • They’re still in the middle of the street
  • Okay like do you have to engaged? Can’t you just date?
  • You don’t have a career. You have a blog.
  • “We can come back whenever you want” UH I think you’ll be busy ruling your country
  • Granted, I would definitely say yes to him. He could walk into my apartment right now and if his first words to me were “marry me,” I’d say yes.
  • This ending just reminds that they watch this movie The Princess Switch and everyone is crying because it’s so beautiful. False. There are some makeup scenes that I live for because you can just tell both parties are incredible kissers. This is so-so to the max.
  • Now Netflix is just automatically rolling into The Royal Wedding. It didn’t even give me a choice.

The Princess Switch Review, or thank you Netflix for another gem

Yesterday I had to day off, so naturally I sat on my couch to watch a little Netflix. To my great joy, I saw a new Netflix original Christmas movie had been released. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed an online ad for The Princess Switch featuring TWO Vanessa Hudgenses and I was instantly excited.

This movie did not disappoint.

Basically, The Princess Switch is the plot of every movie you can imagine where two characters share an uncanny resemblance to each other and decide to switch roles. In this case, they aren’t separated at birth twins, but connected probably through a distant cousin. Vanessa Hudgens 1 is Duchess Margaret of a made up country, a duty bound princess-to-be who’s marrying Prince Edward of another made up country. Margaret isn’t made for the spotlight (which we learn through clunky exposition) and wants to know what it’s like to be a regular girl. She bumps into Vanessa Hudgens 2, Stacey, who’s visiting the made up country for a baking competition. Shenanigans ensue.

In typical fashion, I’m just going to bullet point the rest of my thoughts and they definitely contain spoilers:

  • Within the first 20 minutes, John Lennon’s quote ‘Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans’ is mentioned THRICE. Clearly, our characters are going to realize some amazing truths while their plans are disrupted.
  • Aside from that, the real highlight of the movie is at one point toward the end, Margaret-as-Stacey is at home with Kevin, Stacey’s baking assistant and father to Olivia, a little girl who said at her dance class, they danced The Nutcracker as if that’s a casual dance you can do in 45 minutes. Anyway. They go to watch a Christmas movie and Kevin turns on Netflix. The self-referential nature doesn’t stop there. HE CHOOSES TO WATCH A CHRISTMAS PRINCE BECAUSE IT’S STACEY’S FAVORITE MOVIE! LEGITIMATELY THIS HAPPENS! By the end, Maragaret is crying and Kevin is tearing up because who doesn’t love a happy ending. The most unbelievable thing is probably that it’s Stacey’s favorite movie – she’s been set up as a non-sentimental person who doesn’t seem like she has a lot of time for nonsense. And as much as a I love A Christmas Prince, it’s complete nonsense. Can’t wait for the sequel.
  • Everyone falls in love with each other in two days. Kevin and Stacey have been friends since high school, but there’s never been a spark. He’s too go-with-the-flow and she’s too, what he calls, ‘intense.’ As an intense person, this offends me. Once Margaret, somehow a free spirit despite her upbringing, pretends to be Stacey, the sparks begin flying like crazy. Stacey and Prince Edward fall in love because they both love making and keeping plans.
  • Both Stacey and Margaret master perfect accents in the matter of an hour maybe? Margaret is from a fake country that fortunately has a British accent, which Stacey immediately masters. I know we’ve all tried to speak with an accent, and maybe we’re okay for a few words, but it’s a really complex thing. You have to learn the different sounds for all the words. Stacey is Chicago based which in real life means she’s got some hard vowels in her pronunciation, but Margaret immediately drops her royal tone of speaking and sounds just like her.
  • Stacey wears heals while baking all the time and during the five-hour baking competition. More power to you, but also no.
  • At one point when the prince is telling Stacey he wants to be with her, she’s looking at him and tearing up and I really wanted her to start singing any of Gabriella’s sad love songs to Troy, preferably Gotta Go My Own Way.
  • When Kevin finds out he didn’t kiss Stacey but actually Margaret, he’s not immediately sure about everything which makes perfect sense. Unlike Edward and Margaret who were basically strangers, Kevin and Stacey have been BFs forever. He thought he was falling in love with his best friend, someone he knows everything about, but it was actually a stranger. That changes things.
  • There’s a scene where Stacey-as-Margaret and Edward are riding horses and the green screen is so terrible I’m pretty sure I can see the guy dropping fake snow on them from the rafters.
  • Also at one point they go to this really nice toy store and there happens to be a Twister game on the floor so of course they play. Stacey’s in a short skirt and a duchess but that’s no big deal.
  • What I legitimately did like is the conflict resolution. The king and queen find out about the doppelgängers and are wondering what to do when a kindly old magic man who’s helping moving the plot along in every scene convinces them it’s fine. They’ve seen Stacey and their son together and they want him to be happy and in love and don’t care if he’s marrying a duchess or a peasant baker. They convince Margaret (now switched back into her real life) to go with Edward to the baking competition. Before they leave, she explains everything to him. So he’s not surprised at the appearance of both of them (sorry Kevin) and knows he’s in love with her. I really appreciate the more rational, non-dramatic ending of things.

This movie is cheesy and ridiculous but I say two thumbs up watch it now.

10 answers for why you’re still single

Welcome to the most wonderful time of the year! The time when the weather cools and you can go ice skating with your significant other, holding hands and giggling as you almost fall down. You decorate together, laughing over family ornaments. There’s an exchange of presents and you love the heart necklace he purchased almost as much as he loves the [insert sports team] t-shirt you bought him.* Magic is all around.   

*I don’t know how present buying works in relationships so I guessed

Unfortunately, those scenes pulled straight out of a snow globe aren’t applicable to all of us. For many, holidays equal time for relatives we barely see to ask why we’re still single. We already feel the cold, dark sadness of having to ice skate alone, picking ourselves up from the frozen surface when we inevitably fall again. We don’t need your salty questions in our wounds.

I’m going to take a moment and speak to these relatives: just stop. Nobody, no matter how content, likes being asked that. Even phrasing it “how are you still single?” sucks. Instead of focusing on what we’re ‘lacking,’ ask about how great our lives are. You’re on Facebook so you see we do more than mope about being alone. Instead of focusing on our relationship status, ask about our job or maybe our recent vacation. If you can’t think of anything to say except a comment about your relative’s singleness, maybe a simple ‘nice to see you’ will suffice.

Moving on.

Based on the demographic breakdown of the seven or so people who read my blog, I’m sure no one will read that who it applies to, so I’m going to focus on the singletons again. I would love if our well-meaning relatives learned to ask different questions, but it’s probably just a better plan to be prepared. Below are 10 reasons why you’re probably still single. Feel free to use and adapt for your situation.

  1. I’m really an alien sent on a reconnaissance mission and I’m not allowed to date

The key to this is selling it. Obviously they will think you’re kidding, especially because they probably knew you as a baby, but don’t give up. Try to convince them with vague details and then suddenly reach your hand to your ear, look concerned and say out loud ‘oh no, I’ve said too much,’ and quickly walk away. See, you have a reason for your family member and an excuse to get out of there. You’re welcome.

  1. I’m really focused on my career

This one could be true and is a little more boring, but you can always spice it up. Who knows what your ‘career’ actually is – for all they know you’re really a spy and adding people to your family is an incredible risk for everyone you love. I mean my family thought I did marketing, but could they prove it? Probably not.

  1. I’m still waiting for someone who fits my perfect breakdown so I can create the perfect nuclear family based on the expectations of society

This makes you sound like you have a plan and like you’re a sad robot who doesn’t believe in love. You’ll either confuse your relative or have them cheer for you because they think it’s good you have standards.

  1. I almost got married and thought nah, better not

This will make their mind spin as they wonder how they possibly missed your love on Facebook. Then they will spiral and wonder why you gave up the chance to be married. In their confusion, you can make your getaway and grab another cookie.

  1. Marriage is a social construct where the patriarchy enslaves women

This will make you look like a scary raging feminist which tbh sounds great. I’m assuming your family is similar to mine and thinks being a feminist is a bad thing, because equal rights is a ridiculous concept in 2016. At this point you can leave it at that or continue your rant, throwing in phrases like ‘stomp the patriarchy’ and ‘I hate men’ and ‘burn my bra’ to really freak them out.

  1. I can’t pick a winner from my harem

This will make you look like a biblical baller, just waiting for your Esther to appear. Start naming the men/women in your harem and listing their pros and cons and maybe ask for the input of your relative since they want to be involved in your life. Pro tip: Carry photos with you of these random people to really make this one convincing.

  1. My fiancé is still trying to get a visa

Here my suggestion is act demure, talk about how it’s a secret so they will feel included and talk about how you met online and fell in love. Bonus points if you mention all the money you’ve sent to them to help them get to you. Baller points: Ask for money to help speed along the process from your relative. Find a very obvious catfish profile and show it to them. Foolproof.

  1. Because I’m really a vampire and I can’t stop sucking the blood from all my suitors

This works if you’re pale and fond of black like me. It’s possible they already suspect you of witchcraft, so this isn’t too much of a stretch. You can even get realistic looking prosthetics that fit over your teeth and look like fangs. Don’t engage them again until dinner. In the middle of the meal, noticeably excuse yourself. When you return, after you’ve put a fake blood packet in your mouth, make eye contact with your relative, then smile and rub your belly.

Best case scenario they think you’re weird and avoid you. Win-win.

  1. I’m selective because there are more important things to me

This one might be harder to understand or win you praise you aren’t looking for. You will be met with ‘they will come when you least expect it’ or ‘there just isn’t anyone deserves you honey’ or something like that. False. I never expect anything at this point and I’m not going to rant about the concept of ‘deserving’ someone. Just try to break this one gently. Kudos if you brought your halo to add to the effect.

  1. Because I’m exactly where God wants me

Even if you struggle with this, you will get Christian points from your family. Kidding, kind of. Ultimately this is the answer to their questions. You’re single because you are right now and that is that. Some people may understand and respond similar to reason number 2, but others might think you’re strange and walk away.

You might be single because you don’t want it and say no to everyone, which is great, and you can say that too. It’s your life, your choice. But if you are interested and maybe looking, take heart! There’s nothing wrong with you. We all grow and meet people when we’re supposed to and God knows what He’s doing. Even when it’s frustrating.

Whether you use the truth or something a little more entertaining, I hope your family is manageable and not too depressing. I think I’m going to try the vampire or spy route myself.

Christmas tree glow

This morning I woke up and plugged in my Christmas tree, as most people do bright and early. 

As I contemplated what to do with my time before work, I stared at the soft glow of my tree as the new day shone through my window. The perfect lighting in my room put me in a trance. 

I knew I had things to do. I knew life was waiting for me. But in that moment, I could only stare and be content with my life. 

Somehow, deep down, my soul knew it needed this. To not rush or think, but enjoy the beauty of the mixing lights. Often I simply go and shame myself when I don’t pause because there’s always more to do do do. 

Christmas lights bring me joy. Around them, my souls feels complete, filled with the love of Christ and memories of all the years before. Around them, my soul is filled. 

I hope you found your Christmas lights some day this week so you could rest.