I know I’m too much DEAL WITH IT

I’ve never found a historical figure more like myself than Alexander Hamilton. What I lack in his obsessive stamina I match in my overt too much-ness. See, Hamilton came to America with a dream and he worked hard to achieve it. Along the way, he overwhelmed people with words and honesty and was constantly fighting uphill battles to make his new nation great. His words, especially when written, were his tools.

He made mistakes and sometimes his honesty got him into trouble. That didn’t stop him from continually working and publishing. Ask anyone around him and they’d probably tell you he was a little too much. Except etiquette was the obsession back then so there would some gentlemanly way to express it, like ‘Hamilton always has ideas and suggestions for every situation, even when not directly involved.’

Like Hamilton, I’m too much.

I have strong opinions about everything. Today I started a tirade against autographs and why they’re pointless. I can feel when one starts rising within me. An unknowing victim cordially chats with me about any random subject and suddenly I’m triggered. My demeanor changes and my voice becomes strangely forceful and somehow I get a little louder. It’s never against them or what they think because fortunately my manners work occasionally. I only care about nonsense, like the travesty of wearing jeans to the theater and why ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ is a really demeaning song.

At least in a professional setting, they’re supported by my experience and knowledge. Still it happens. We’re discussing something related to branding or marketing and then the strong opinion starts building. Usually it’s useful and drives my work ethic, but sometimes it just means I talk a lot during a meeting.

I’ve often claimed to be a very dichotomous person. I am either in full makeup or I look like I just rolled out of bed. I will work hard nonstop or I will spend hours on my couch rewatching The Office. I either don’t care at all or I care so much everyone else begins to hate me.

I’m really familiar with that last one.

One of the hallmarks of my personality is my intensity. I have zero bedside manner and tend to sound like a jerk when in reality I just don’t know how to tone myself down. I want to help where I can and often I go into overdrive and people no longer want to work with me. In college, I started wearing bows every day to appear less harsh, but it probably just made me look crazier.

People probably wish I would remain lethargic so the passionate beast wouldn’t be unleashed to annoy everyone. I just don’t know how to care less.

I want things to be the best that they can be, and sure you can argue that it’s just my perception of ‘best,’ but whatever. When I dedicate myself to a project, I want everyone to feel as strongly as I do. This is why working at Girl Scouts is such a good fit for me – everyone care a lot, just like me.

I’ve never understood why people don’t care or try. They don’t implement new rules or pay attention when something is being changed. They just keep going with how they’ve always done things because to them, it doesn’t matter. I DON’T GET IT. Whatever.

After more than 28 years of being this way, because yes I’m sure even as a baby I was like this, I’ve learned a few tricks. Primarily it’s keep the raging beast within. Get to know people and let them think you’re quiet and then SHABAM douse them in insanity when you can trust them.

Jk. Kind of.

It’s not that I pretend to be someone I’m not, it’s just I hold a lot of opinions to myself and just kind of nod along. When I used to meet people, they either liked me or they didn’t. Now I’ve mastered to art of tricking them into thinking I’m likable. Once a real relationship is established, I’m fully Chelsea, lock and loaded with opinions I will most definitely express. So if you know me IRL and I’m a spaz around you, take it as a compliment.

Recently, though, I’ve moved back toward my roots of ‘this is me’ (sung to the tune of The Greatest Showman classic). I don’t want my behavior to act as an apology for who I am so I don’t accidentally annoy someone. Yes I know I can be more tactful and quiet, but in general I like who I am. I like that I care so deeply about everything. I like that I’m intense. I understand that not everyone will jive with by vibe and that’s a-okay. God made me to be this passionate so why would I dare deny Him the joy of seeing me express it?

Right now it’s got me in a tough situation. I’m in a new place with new people and we hardly know each other, but I’m in full-Hamilton mode. Like dropping a pamphlet denouncing John Adams deep. I feel like I’m in this place for a reason, with the right experience and skills to make a difference. The more I push, the more I feel I’m the only one. Except now instead of worrying that they won’t like me, I’m wondering if this is worth my time.

I don’t say that to be uppity like my time is so precious (see previous comment about rewatching The Office). Moving against the popular current alone is exhausting and frustrating and frankly, it makes everyone hate me. Contrary to what my personality may say, I don’t want to be disliked. Sometimes it’s uncontrollable, but sometimes it’s the result of me trying to make waves nobody asked for.

The remedy for this situation is a polite confrontation where everything is laid on a table and a decision is made. But conflict isn’t my forte. I’m the girl who will ignore our texts if we’re fighting because I don’t want to deal with it. Being an adult is hard.

Tonight an email became the straw that broke the horse’s back. Is that the right phrase? Either way, something finally snapped within me and I realized I can’t avoid this conversation any longer. I won’t make myself less or belittle my intensity, but I will respect the outcome.

It just means I might have time to obsess and lose my mind over something else. Most likely The Office.

Sexism is solved!

Attention: a man just solved the sexism issue and we can all go home and rest beneath our glass ceilings because our work is done. Thank you, man on the Internet, for your brilliant insight into our struggles as women and determining the cause.

“GENIUS MAN WHO SOLVED SEXISM: The fact that girls are torn away from their fathers is the problem. If fathers were in their lives, they would kick the guys ass. A positive father role model is essential for a girls emotional health. Male bashing of 99% of men for what 1% of men do is sexism. All racism, bigotry and sexism is wrong.

This comment appeared under a post from Girl Scouts of the USA. Specifically, this post:

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You wouldn’t believe (actually you probably would) how many comments appeared about this being political and objections from women who don’t really believe in sexism. Fortunately, even GSUSA got involved to be like ‘we can’t be an organization dedicated to girls if we deny the existence of these things’ and at my desk at work I was literally like

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Then I became J Lo reading the other comments pointing out to the doubting women that they don’t think they’ve experienced sexism because we’re programmed to think what we experience is normal. Which it isn’t.

Either way, back to the feminist hero who solved sexism.

First of all, sir, what are you referring to when you say girls are being torn away from their fathers? Is there some epidemic where liberal mothers are stealing children and running away to Canada? Also you imply that if girls had a father, asses would be kicked. Would the fathers kick the ass or would it be the girls who finally have the strength and bravery they need thanks to the loving support of their fathers?

I can’t speak for every girl, mind you, but my mother never tore me away from my father. In fact, she encouraged our relationship even though he was an emotional manipulator and definitely helped me develop a strong case of daddy issues. In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard of any of my female friends being torn away from fathers, even if they were deadbeats and it definitely needed to happen.

Second, I do agree we need a positive father figure. I’ve seen first hand what happens when dads abandoned their daughters and toll it takes on them (or maybe these men were helplessly torn away?). I was lucky that I had one dad who really tried to screw me up and I had another father who did his best to make sure I grew up happy and healthy. I’m somewhere in the middle of a wreck and a functioning member of society as a result.

Will I agree it’s the end all, be all solution? Probably not.

Thirdly, you address the bashing of 99% of men for what 1% do and call it sexism. I’m not scientist, but if I did a study on all the men I’ve encountered and determined which ones behaved in a way that was sexist or unchivalrous, I’m positive it would be at least 60% who needed to be bashed because of their actions.

Even my wonderful, positive father role model believes that a bad driver is probably a woman. Which is a sexist comment, by the way.

Your ‘not all men’ argument is just the worst. It’s like saying ‘not all white people’ are racist. Obviously not every person, but enough that it’s a real issue. It’s also very generous to your sex that you would claim only 1% catcall, abuse, objectify, and belittle women. Clearly you’ve never spent a day as a woman and tried to do anything.

The worst part is, it isn’t just reserved for the really hot girls like you see in the movies. I don’t have to walk down the street with the wind blowing just right to get cat called. I’ve been as frumpy as you can get and still received honks and nods. Don’t get me started when I’m wearing a dress in my car. The truck drivers really love to let me know they enjoy my style.

For the record, I wasn’t even counting all those men in my previous estimated percentage. If you’re going to tell us ‘not all men,’ at least provide realistic percentages.

Finally, we agree on your last point that all racism, bigotry, and sexism is wrong. It’s also wrong for you, as a man, to comment on a post about women’s right and assume you have the answer for our problems. Which is unsurprisingly male-related.

The real solution is to raise a generation of girls AND boys who recognize that we are in fact equal and just because people have always behaved a certain way doesn’t make it right. It’s more than just women fighting for equality and men telling us we need father figures. It’s a concentrated effort for everyone to say we’ve been doing this wrong and we need to get better.

Here is the sexist thing I will say to you: for too long men have stood on top of the world and made a big ol mess of everything, all while telling women where our place in the world was. They created boys clubs to keep us out and assume we’re bra burners if we dare call ourselves feminist. We even have a president who can brag about grabbing women by their [word I will not say or use] and it’s fine because it’s locker room talk. Collectively, men are the worst. I have met men who seem to get it what most do not and they’re wonderful unicorns.

My last thought is if you have a daughter, which I hope you do unless you’re just trolling posts on Facebook, is to think about how you’re raising her. Certainly don’t raise her to hate men, but don’t let her think it’s only 1% who will treat her like she’s less. Always do your best to show her how she’s so much more.

And please stop trying to mansplain sexism.